FML: Today, I told my mom on phone that we were thinking of moving and had seen a house we liked. Her response? "Glad you are leaving that crime-ridden area." The house we’re looking at is two doors away.

FML: Today, while taking a shower, I was enthusiastically singing one of my favorite songs. When I got out of the bathroom, I noticed a bunch of things missing from my rooms, and a note on my desk, saying, "Shut the fuck up, you suck." I was robbed and judged by a thief.

FML: Today, while driving, I let someone merge in my traffic lane. They waved, merged, then immediately pulled off the brakes to make a turn, causing me to slam on the brakes and spill coffee all over myself. They waved again, like that fixed everything. I arrived at work sticky, caffeinated, and pissed off.

FML: Today, my sister drove past me while I was walking home in the rain. She honked to let me know she was there, and kept on driving.

FML: Today, I tried to be helpful to a woman carrying boxes, by holding the door open for her. She smiled and marched towards me, then tripped and dropped everything at my feet. She stared at me like I'd caused it, and said, "Thanks" through clenched teeth.

FML: Today, a thunderstorm killed our internet and I realized there were lots of things that I could do "in the real world", but all of themseems too tiring.

FML: Today, I'm 35 years old and I had to buy myself a hat from the kids section.

FML: Today, I was browsing the frozen section at the store when I saw movement in my peripheral vision. As I said “Oh sorry, go ahead.”, no one responded. I turned around only to see my own reflection in the freezer door.

FML: Today, I was running to the bus stop in order to catch the bus. The bus driver smiled, waved, and drove away without letting me get on.