FML: Today, my long-term boyfriend still does not want to get married and files our taxes jointly, but rather wants to claim me as a “dependent” so he gets a bigger refund.

FML: Today, I found out that my dad ate my rabbit when I was 6 years old. He'd told me that it ran away. I can't even be mad at my dad, he's been dead for 5 years.

FML: Today, the woman for whom I gave up my $100,000 day job, and two luxurious vehicles for her accessories, now says she doesn’t want to get married to me because I have to work a low salaried job.

FML: Today, I celebrated my 4-year anniversary with my girlfriend. Forget about sex and kiss, all I got to do was cuddle the stuffed Minion she got me for Christmas.

FML: Today, after months of random vomiting with no apparent cause, I finally got some tests done. The doctor says I am absolutely fine and that it's all just in my head.

FML: Today, I checked my jacket pocket for my iphone, all while still holding my iphone.

FML: Today, I posted a status how women deserve the right to be sexually liberated. Some ass holes felt the need to comment, “Have you looked in the mirror? In your case modesty would be an act of mercy.” Another commented, “Yeah bro, I bet they’d pay her to keep her clothes on in strip clubs.”

FML: Today, after months of playing chess as a hobby, I'm actually starting to get much better. Excitedly, I decided to share this with a friend. Her response, "Don't quit your day job. You're not becoming a professional."

FML: Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, he screamed loudly "Yes Brittany!". Brittany is his sister's name, not mine.

FML: Today, my husband dropped me off at work. Soon, I got a text message saying, "I just dropped the bitch off, I'll be there in a few minutes baby, miss you". I later asked him about it. He said, "Megan, I have no idea what you're talking about." My name is not Megan. Not even close.

FML: Today, I was at the airport waiting for my flight, and I was sitting next to a mother and her son. As I pulled out a water bottle, she leaned over to her son and said, "Promise me you will never do what the man next to you just did." I have no idea what the hell I did wrong.

FML: Today, I just found out that my sister will be bringing her boyfriend along with her to spend the Christmas festival with my family. The two of them, along with my brother and his wife, make me the only single one in the family this year. Looks like I'll be spending the Christmas Day with my dog.

FML: Today, I pour down my bitterness about the fuss being created around Valentine's day, on facebook. Few of my friends replied, I am only saying this because I am obese and can't get laid. They are right.

FML: Today, I accidentally slapped myself in the face with my belt when I pulled it out from my belt loops too quickly.

FML: Today, I was at a wedding, and during the bouquet toss, I stood back and let the single ladies have their moment. The bouquet flew straight at me, hit me in the face, and I instinctively grabbed it. Now everyone thinks I’m desperate to get married.

FML: Today, I was getting late for work, so I skipped breakfast. At a red light, I noticed a quick bite bar in my bag and so I took a bite of it, only to realize it was actually a dog treat I'd stuffed in there few days ago.

FML: Today, after months of health problems and my boyfriend offering unsolicited advice that mostly boiled down to "eat meat, take vitamins", I finally followed his advice to prove that he was wrong. A week later I started feeling better than ever before. He's never going to forgive me.

FML: Today, I offered my roommate some aspirin as she was complaining about headache. She looked at me like I was stupid and said, "Uh… That stuff's only for heart attacks." I am living with an idiot.

FML: Today, in my psychology class, the creepy guy sitting besides me leans over and says, "I have an upset stomach, I may have to use the bathroom."

FML: Today, I accidentally called my teacher "Babe."

FML: Today, we did board breaking at a karate demonstration. I was nervous about failing in front of the audience, but I kept my cool. Good news, I broke the board. Bad news, I cried like a baby because it hurt my hand. I'm 26.