FML: Today, I walked in the bathroom and smelled a disgusting cheesy smell. I looked at the tub and my boyfriend was furiously scrubbing under his toenails with my nail brush.

FML: Today, I went on my first date and laughed so hard at a joke that I snorted. I tried to play it cool, laughed harder, snorted again, and then knocked over my drink. The waiter brought napkins and said, “Happens all the time.” To me, yes, it does.

FML: Today, I found out that my husband is still friends with someone who talks a lot of crap about me.

FML: Today, while driving, I let someone merge in my traffic lane. They waved, merged, then immediately pulled off the brakes to make a turn, causing me to slam on the brakes and spill coffee all over myself. They waved again, like that fixed everything. I arrived at work sticky, caffeinated, and pissed off.

FML: Today, I went over to a friend's house. He had almost no furniture and slept on a mattress on the floor; however, he had the most impressive gaming computer I've ever seen. He's 40.

FML: Today, my sister drove past me while I was walking home in the rain. She honked to let me know she was there, and kept on driving.

FML: Today, a friend had invited me to Christmas dinner since I have no family close by. When I got there, she told me they had forgotten they had another dinner to go to, and asked if I would watch their kids in the meanwhile. They each grabbed a handful of cookies I had baked and rushed out the door.

FML: Today, I tried to be helpful to a woman carrying boxes, by holding the door open for her. She smiled and marched towards me, then tripped and dropped everything at my feet. She stared at me like I'd caused it, and said, "Thanks" through clenched teeth.