FML: Today, my husband dropped me off at work. Ten minutes later, I got a text saying, "I just dropped off the bitch, I'll be there in a few baby, miss you". I later asked him about it. He said, "Megan, I have no idea what you're talking about." My name isn't Megan.

FML: Today, I found out that my boyfriend doesn’t think it’s important to wipe after he poops.

FML: Today, I used a men's hair removal cream to be smooth for my partner, as a surprise, only to realize that it made her think I was cheating on her.

FML: Today, I told my mom on phone that we were thinking of moving and had seen a house we liked. Her response? "Glad you are leaving that crime-ridden area." The house we’re looking at is two doors away.

FML: Today, I woke up at 11:11am, and happily thought that it was a sign that it was going to be a good day. I then realized that I was over an hour late for a job interview.

FML: Today, I told my boyfriend that the dentist said my blood pressure was high. He was way more interested in the fact that the dentist took my blood pressure than my blood pressure being high.

FML: Today, I went to the dentist and found out I still have a wisdom tooth. I got all four out last month, or at least I thought I did. Now I have to go back and get it removed again.

FML: Today, while taking a shower, I was enthusiastically singing one of my favorite songs. When I got out of the bathroom, I noticed a bunch of things missing from my rooms, and a note on my desk, saying, "Shut the fuck up, you suck." I was robbed and judged by a thief.

FML: Today, I walked in the bathroom and smelled a disgusting cheesy smell. I looked at the tub and my boyfriend was furiously scrubbing under his toenails with my nail brush.

FML: Today, I went on my first date and laughed so hard at a joke that I snorted. I tried to play it cool, laughed harder, snorted again, and then knocked over my drink. The waiter brought napkins and said, “Happens all the time.” To me, yes, it does.

FML: Today, I found out that my husband is still friends with someone who talks a lot of crap about me.